Let’s talk about ambition

As both a highly driven and people pleasing person, the years during which I started and grew my family were by far the most challenging of my career.

I have never worked harder or longer than during my pregnancies – in each case putting pressure on myself to not just match but exceed my pre-pregnancy output. I waited as long as physically possible to announce my first pregnancy – and, for my second pregnancy, opted to disclose it to as few people in my professional circles as possible (becoming adept at choosing strategically oversized blazers, dresses and handbags that hid even my third trimester bump). Between pregnancies, I overcompensated for what I saw as a widely held assumption that I was ‘biding my time’ before having a second child with an even more extreme self-inflicted pressure to perform.

And during those sleep-deprived and demanding years of new parenthood, coupled with the ever-present performance pressure (now across two dimensions: business and parenting) was a near obsession with proving to the world that I was still a multi-dimensional person, having witnessed women in this stage of life repeatedly dismissed as ‘just’ moms.  This dynamic was something I was shocked to experience again and again, most commonly from individuals (both males and females) who had not known me before I had kids.

I now realize that countless women around me were likely going through similar or nuanced struggles at the same time, but shame, self-monitoring and my ambition were barriers to me opening up to colleagues or even friends about most of this. And because of that – conversations that could have been highly valuable and productive – not just for me but for other women – didn’t happen.

We need to start talking more about women and ambition.