Learning to say no and set boundaries

Someone recently asked me if 2026 is going to be the year my people pleasing finally ends. That feels… ambitious. To say the least!

But it is something I want to understand more deeply, and make a real commitment to releasing.

For me, people pleasing often looks like saying yes when I don’t have the capacity or when my intuition is clearly saying no. Usually because I want to be kind. And because I don’t want anyone to feel rejected (something I know has always been a tender spot for me.)

However, two recent conversations with friends reframed people pleasing for me in a way that really shifted my perspective.

The first was simple and devastatingly honest. A friend of mine shared: “I’m done trading yeses for love.”

Her statement landed hard. Because if I’m being honest with myself, many of my yeses haven’t been generosity. They’ve been ego. A subconscious attempt to feel worthy, needed, approved of. Safe.

The second, more recent, conversation with a friend went deeper. He said: People pleasing isn’t kindness; it’s control. It’s trying to manage how others see you in order to feel safe, even if it means abandoning yourself. And nothing is less safe than abandoning yourself.

Real integrity requires the willingness to stand in your truth, even when it’s misunderstood, unpopular and/or costs approval.

So with this new insight, and a genuine desire to let this pattern go…

I’m practicing saying no.
I’m setting clearer boundaries.

Not to be rude.
Definitely not because I don’t care.

Because expansion brings more opportunities — not an obligation to accept all of them. And there is a real cost to overcommitting.

As a client service professional, my days are full, meeting-heavy, and deeply people-facing. My commitment is to deliver exceptional work, efficiently, and be genuinely enjoyable to work with while doing it.
That level of service takes energy.
Protecting and replenishing that energy is part of how I consistently show up at my best — for my clients, my work, and the people in my life.

The nos still feels uncomfortable.
And they usually come with a flicker of guilt. And a flicker of FOMO.
But they also come with a feeling of self-respect.

Saying no is often interpreted as withdrawal, avoidance, or a lack of commitment. But more often, it’s discernment. It’s capacity management.
And sometimes, it’s leadership.

✨ What decisions would shift if you trusted your no as much as you trust your yes?

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