The questions that make me freeze

✨ What if the simplest questions are actually the ones that keep us from real connection?

It happened to me twice last week.
I didn’t freeze. I didn’t choke up.
I just… went quiet.

Which can surprise people, because in most settings I’m the opposite: I love being around people and am completely at home on a stage, in front of a room, or at the centre of a crowd. Once I start talking, it's often hard to get me to stop.

But, especially one-on-one, certain questions can still make me freeze or retreat into surface answers instead of sharing what’s really going on.
🥶 “How are you?” → I’ll say fine, even if everything is on fire.
🥶 "What’s new?” → My mind instantly edits, trying to pick something small enough to share but big enough to matter.
🥶 “What’s happening with [that stressful situation]?” → Suddenly it feels like a spotlight on my pain, and shrinking back feels safer than opening up.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone (and please reveal yourself in the comments so I don’t feel alone in this!). And if it doesn’t feel familiar — think of a colleague, a friend, or a family member who sometimes goes quiet. This might be why.

The good news: meaningful conversation isn’t out of reach. It just requires a different approach. These are the techniques that help me open up:

✨ Start light. Pop culture, fun topics, or something external. It creates breathing room.
✨ Take the pressure off. A walk or drive helps. Conversation flows more easily side by side.
✨ Create choice. In group settings, popcorn style (speak when you’re ready or not at all) feels safer than pass-the-baton.
✨ Ask open, focused questions that invite real answers without pressure. For example:
🌟 “What’s been bringing you joy lately?”
🌟 “What feels important to you right now?”
🌟 “What’s been on your mind in a good way?”
🌟 “What are you looking forward to?”

It’s a little like talking to a teenager you care about. It's not that they’re closed off; they just need gentleness and time before opening up. With patience, what’s beneath the surface eventually comes forward.

And often, that’s where the gold is.

Because sometimes, the people who look like they’ve got it all together are carrying more beneath the surface than you’d ever guess — just waiting for the right question to open up a rich and unpolished inner world.

👉 If you lead a team, what’s your favourite way to invite real conversation?